How do you "tune in" to yourself?
- Mar 25
- 5 min read
I recently received this question:
"I've been trying to meditate more, and I always hear instructors say that we have to 'tune into' ourselves. I realized I don't know exactly what that means beyond just sitting there and trying not to think about what my husband or whatever stressful thing is happening in my life. How exactly do you tune into yourself? What does it feel like?"
This is an EXCELLENT question.
"Tuning in" is a very helpful analogy, because when you're constantly worrying about what someone else is thinking & feeling, you're basically tuned into their "radio station" 24/7.
Just like a car radio, you've preset your brain to automatically LOUDLY broadcast the on-goings of your husband's thoughts, feelings, and behavior... from the moment you wake up, until you go to sleep.
You have this person's station on auto-play all day long...and you've gotten so used to hearing it, that you've forgotten that there's other stations that you can choose to tune into.
And you probably have other stations preset on your radio, such as your parents, your boss, society, etc... which you easily switch to throughout the day...
...but there's a mysterious station that's normally surrounded by static.
You hear noises from it at times, but it's mostly fuzzy and unclear.
That is YOUR station.
But just because you can't hear it clearly right now does NOT mean that the station itself is bad.. it simply means you have to turn your dial closer and closer to it until it becomes crystal clear.
How do you turn the dial closer? By getting really good at noticing.
You got really good at tuning into your husband by:
Paying close attention to all the little details...the tiniest micro-expressions that convey his emotions, the sigh he gives when he's getting tired, the twitches at the edges of his mouth when he's in a silly mood. You pay close attention to ALL of it.
Knowing his preferences. You know he likes the green soap brand more than the blue. He falls asleep faster when listening to white noise. He's in a better mood after he plays basketball.
Noticing how you affect him, and how he affects you. You like it when he brings home food unexpectedly. You don't like it when he sings to himself in public. He likes it when you give him a long hug after work. He doesn't like it when you ask him casual questions while he's writing something.
Tuning in is ALL about paying close attention and noticing.
So, when getting better at tuning into yourself... YOU pay close attention to what thoughts and feeling you're having when your stomach hurts, or when you're being antsy, or when you are at ease.
YOU know your own preferences...and you regard your preferences with a high level of importance. You don't just say "That's nice", and go on with your day. You make sure you show yourself that you are paying attention, and trying your best to honor these things.
YOU notice how you affect yourself... what things actually make you feel better about yourself? What do you do (or not do) that makes you feel more disgruntled and disconnected inside?
Here's a real-life example of how you can start tuning your dial towards yourself:
I remember a specific evening years ago when I was rotting at home, feeling anxious and bored because my boyfriend was away on a work trip.
It was such an uncomfortable, restless feeling.
I began to realize how much I shaped my personal life around him — he was what I looked forward to: my motivation, my emotional support, my fun, my structure…everything.
And here I was… an otherwise very capable, smart, responsible human being… who had no idea how to make herself feel alive, motivated, emotionally supported, and feel good all on her own.
“There must be something very wrong with me,” I thought miserably. “It’s going to take me FOREVER to fix this…and I don’t know where to even start.”
But then while doom-scrolling, I came across a super generic motivational message that ironically hit me in a profound way.
It said something like: “Just start small. Take one tiny step, as long as it’s in the right direction.”
And there, in the dark, I put the phone down and just sat with myself.
What teeny-tiniest step I could take RIGHT now, in the RIGHT direction?
Well, I could turn on the light.
I did… and I noticed that it made me feel 1% less annoyed with myself.
Then I noticed a bunch of trash sitting beside me on the dining table.
Without giving myself time think, I leapt up, threw all the trash into the garbage, and emptied the can outside.
When I came back in, I noticed that I now felt 3% happier with myself.
To humor myself, I neatly arranged everything on the table so that everything was straight and perfect.
Looking at the organized table made me LIKE myself 5% more.
And suddenly, I realized how BIG this was.
It wasn’t about cleaning up.
It was about me actually noticing I had a relationship with myself.
I was just so used to fixating on how HE felt about me, that I didn’t fully realize how much power I had over my own feelings about myself.
As I got better at noticing my self-relationship I realized I felt resentment if I didn’t go back to the microwave and reheat my meal properly.
I noticed I was drawn to certain objects and aesthetics that I’d never allowed myself to acknowledge before.
I noticed I felt myself angry making myself late and having to rush, and I felt proud of myself when upholding the bedtime I set for myself.
And I began to use my own self-noticing as my compass for my daily life… rather than him, him, him, him.
And overtime, I began to build my life around making MYSELF feel alive, motivated, fun, emotionally supported – a strong relationship with myself.
So if you feel overwhelmed… just start teeny tiny.
What do you have power over right now, that will make you even just a tiny bit happier with yourself?
Do that thing, and then NOTICE & appreciate how it feels.
This is how you tune in, and start building a clearer and stronger relationship with you.
If you're ready to go deeper into your relationship with yourself, so you can show up the way you want in any other relationship, book a coaching session with me.
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