My Self-Relationship Story
"Who cares how I feel about myself?
What really matters is how I treat others."
That's what I believed for most of my life.
I was raised to earn love and approval by making others happy and doing all the "right" things.
"As long as I'm good to others," I thought. "Everything will be okay."
I tried to be super nice, chill, and uplifting around everyone... regardless how they treated me.
I revolved myself around my romantic relationships -- eager to identify as The Perfect Girlfriend.
I worked hard to prove myself worthy to my parents, my bosses, teachers, and random strangers.
But instead of feeling like the happy, confident, lovable person I wanted to be...
I was:
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Getting drunk every night, living off of Red Bull, and trying to hide how unhealthy & tired I felt.
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Unable to control my emotions -- feeling okay one moment, then "crazy" & triggered the next.
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Exercising and doing "self-care" while hating on myself, telling myself that I had to do the most to even begin to be worthy.
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Constantly worrying about my boyfriend's thoughts and feelings -- while shoving down my own.
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Measuring my worth & success by everyone else's happiness & opinions of me, regardless of how I felt.
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Waiting for someone's love to save me from my insecurities and cure me of my insignificance.
Finally I had to admit:
My self-relationship was the real problem.
I had a toxic, neglectful, disconnected relationship with the ONE person I'm guaranteed to spend my entire life with...
...and if that didn’t change, nothing was going to change.
So I followed self-love influencers, practiced positive affirmations, read self-help books, spent more time alone, journaled, meditated on self-compassion, bought myself nice things, did self-care and hobbies…
Mid-20's, very insecure, super reliant on my romantic relationship
…but nothing permanently changed how I felt.
I thought there was just too much wrong with me.
It felt gross to imagine feeling love towards myself.
I blamed my parents. I blamed my exes. I blamed society.
But I kept seeing people who weren't raised perfectly -- who weren't the most popular, prettiest, or successful -- who really, liked and enjoyed being themselves.
They had an inner glow, a quiet confidence, an unshakable and happy sense-of-self... regardless who they were with or how much approval they recieved.
"If I could just figure out their secret sauce," I thought in frustration. "EVERYTHING would be so much better."
Today, I’m now a completely different version of myself.
I am kind and loving without feeling the need to over-please.
I am calm and secure without ever becoming a doormat.
I feel attractive and happy with who I am, without needing anyone's validation.
And I’m showing up so much more present, happy, healthy and in control... in all areas of my life.
Because I now have a wonderful, ride-or-die, best buddy, partner in crime relationship with MYSELF.
And now it’s my mission and passion to help other good-hearted people have an AMAZING relationship with themselves — and become the secure, loving person they’ve always wanted to be.
Hi, I'm Tracy
I'm a certified life coach through The Life Coach School. I have a B.A. in Philosophy and an M.A. in Information Science. (I was originally going to be a librarian!)
I've worked extensively in bars & restaurants and consider it a major credential in navigating human relationships and practicing self-love.
I was born and raised in Hawaii and am currently living in nutty Hollywood, California with my adorable boyfriend of 13+ years, and approximately 6 plants.
I was once a huge self-love skeptic, but now I coach people on self-love so they can transform their relationships...and entire life.
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