For most of my life I took pride in being what others wanted me to be.
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In fact, it was implied that the best thing I could do was to put my own interests, feelings, and desires aside and be what everyone else wanted me to be.
I was a people-pleaser and a bit of a chameleon, winning friends by adopting their interests and going along with who I thought they wanted me to be.
I lost myself in every relationship I was in, relying on my boyfriend to give me greater purpose and a sense-of-self.
After every break-up, I felt a huge void.
At age 30, I had no idea who I really was, what I truly wanted, what genuinely brought me happiness.
The only time I felt good about myself was when I momentarily got recognition from someone else...and then I was back to feeling empty and inexplicably frustrated.
I was drinking heavily every night just to feel somewhat ok. Despite having done everything "right", I felt extremely not-right inside.​​
I was never taught to put myself first.
I knew I had to do something different...and the one thing I'd never done was to take the time to find me.
To see who I really was inside.
What I truly wanted.
How I genuinely expressed myself.
I knew I had to put myself first -- FOR REAL.
In the next few years I ​faced my deepest fears and began doing things that made no sense to anyone else, but felt truly good to me.
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I dyed my hair purple. I moved to Hollywood. I let down my parents. I began finding who I was apart from my boyfriend.
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I stopped over-drinking. I made good friends that I could unabashedly be myself around. I saw my favorite band 5 times, experimented with my fashion a billion times, finally traveled to London, pursued my unconventional dream career, felt aliveness and joy that was all my own, and began waking up with excitement and gratitude each morning.
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I now know who I am with or without anyone else's approval. I honestly enjoy being myself. I feel like my own best friend. I feel self-love without needing to be the hottest or most validated person. I have inner purpose that doesn't depend on anyone else. I'm having so much fun through the chaos of life. People message me everyday telling me how I've inspired them or helped change their life. And my relationship is more loving and healthier than ever.
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My elder family members or childhood friends may not fully understand my choices. My life isn't perfect, but I feel how I've always wanted to feel about myself. I love the person I've taken the blood, sweat, and tears to find and become. 🥲
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This is what it means to put yourself first.
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And it is my utmost passion to help YOU find the self-love, expression, fun, and joy within yourself.
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There IS someone special, vibrant, and full of life within you.
And you won't find this in making anyone else happy, but you.
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If you are ready to reinvent yourself and discover who you become when you start putting yourself first, come work with me. ​​​​​​​
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about Tracy
I'm a certified life coach through The Life Coach School. I have a B.A. in Philosophy and an M.A. in Information Science. (I was originally going to be a librarian!)
I've worked extensively in bars & restaurants and consider it a major credential in navigating human relationships and practicing self-love.
I was born and raised in Hawaii and am currently living in nutty Hollywood, California with my adorable boyfriend of 13+ years, and approximately 6 plants.​
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