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How to deal with "her"

Updated: Jul 15, 2023


She could have it all.

She could have all your best qualities — as well as all the ones you wish you had.

She could be the woman of his dreams in every way that you’re not.

She could even take him from you.

So… you could live in complete fear.

You could let the possibility of her existence turn you into someone you hate.

You could become hellbent, wretched — a crazed Gollum protecting your “precious”.

You could contort yourself into a monstrosity, attempting to take up all the space in his eyes.

You could do this until you find it impossible to believe that there’s anything attractive about you.

And whether or not he’s still there with you, the result is the same:

Your insecurity has torn you to shreds.

And when you’re in shreds, you blow in the wind.

You get tangled and snarled on every little thing.

You wrap your mummy-bandages around him — the only time you feel a semblance of an identity — and cling, and tighten, and smother.

You fall to the floor the moment he leaves, unable to make sense of yourself, unable to fully function.

You are appalled by your predicament, yet you cannot help but continue unraveling into insecure oblivion.

Or… you could live in complete love. Love -- towards your own soul, your own sanity.

You could decide that the goal in life is to make you like yourself more.

You could accept the possibility of her existence and decide to care more about your own.

You could grow into the version of yourself that you feel really good being.

You could could do this until you know that he could leave you for her — and it’d hurt, no doubt — but you won’t fall to pieces.

Because whether or not he’s still there with you, the result is the same:

You feel good being who you are.

And when you feel good being who you are, you always have the upper-hand in your own life.

You move through life feeling more whole, solid, visible.

You see the full reality of his love for you — and you'd be unattracted if he decides to have eyes for someone else.

You live in self-respect, self-expression, self-upholding, and your life makes sense to your soul.

You are attracted to who you are, secure in your worthiness, peaceful within your own existence.

This is what it is to be secure.

It isn't preventing yourself from ever feeling less-than.

It is building yourself up in such a way that feeling less-than is a splash at your ankles, rather than a tidal wave that wipes you out.

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